Posted by Sam / at 12:01 AM / /

A table finishes their meal, gets the check, and stares at it for about 25 minutes.

We weren't too busy, so whatever. No big.

When they're finally ready to pay, they ask me if they can split the check. Normal stuff, I tell them, "of course."

Then they pull out two credit cards, a wad of small bills, and a hand full of change.

A little confused, I ask, "split it three ways?"

They respond with the most confusing, nonsensical way to split up the check. Something to the effect of "Put 2.8 percent on this card, 45.2 percent on this card, and take the rest out of cash, but don't give me any bills with prime numbers or old white men on them."

Okay, maybe I'm a little bitter, but still.

Then I come back, and what do you know? I'm wrong. Big effing surprise, considering I only got as far as learning calculus.

Turns out I was supposed to take a tip out somewhere and do a handstand and summon the rain gods and do their taxes.

Federal and state.