Old Deaf Guy Who Thinks He's Funny

Posted by Sam / at 12:01 AM / /

A man came into the restaurant once with his wife, who waved and said hello politely as I seated them. They seemed like a nice old couple, which was a welcome addition to the full dining room I had to take care of, which to that point (halfway through my shift) has succeeded in exhausting me.

I go to take the couple's drink orders and the woman orders for herself and her husband--not a big deal, happens all the time.

I bring them their drinks/bread/etc., and say I'll be back to take their order. The man lets out a loud, resonating "What?" I shrug it off, just get my order book and head right back to the table.

"What can I get for you, Ma'am?"

She orders dinner, picks a side and a salad dressing, no problem.

Hubby's turn, no such luck.

"What can I get for you, Sir?"

"What?"

Crap. Just...crap. I try to enunciate better and speak louder. No dice.

At this point, Awesome Dude With Equally Awesome Facial Hair is laughing his ass off, pausing to catch his breath and say "Poor Sam" (Thaaaaaaaaaaaaat's me!).

[Author's note: Yes, an "All That" reference--Amanda Bynes' glory days. Awesome, I know.]

Old-hard-of-hearing-guy's wife is now helping to relay my questions by shouting at him as everyone in the restaurant watches the insanity that's ensuing.

I get the rest of the order, winging most of it and hoping for the best. As I walk back to the kitchen, I pass Awesome Dude w/Awesome Facial Hair and he asks where we find these people.

Frankly, I have no idea. What the hell? Normal people, why can't you dine with everyone else? I understand why you wouldn't want to be around them, but do those of us who have to be there a solid, okay?

I proceeded to hide in the kitchen/back of the dining room until their food was ready and brought it out, doing my best not to ask questions. The guy shouts something that I didn't quite understand and proceed to laugh like a maniac. Needless to say, this scared the hell out of me and got freaked-the-fuck-out looks from everyone else in the building.

After a 20-minute debate on whether or not to get coffee, they get up and go, leaving behind a restaurant full of confused diners and a really poor excuse for a tip.

Sweet.