Cross-posted from Everything You Ever Wanted to Hear and More that You Didn't
12. Food service employees who assume that when you said, "No tomatoes," you were lying.
[Source: Sparknotes' 50 Things That Should Not Exist]
Dear Sparknotes,
Maybe you didn't say no tomatoes. Maybe you forgot. Maybe you didn't enunciate. Maybe you said 'lettuce' but meant tomatoes. Maybe you told me in between yelling at your demon children in a vain attempt to shut them the fuck up and I didn't quite catch it. Maybe you were having an elaborate conversation with your friends and trying to order at the same time. Maybe you said it like a quirky fact, not a request (e.g. "I really hate tomatoes" vs. "No tomatoes, please") and figured I'd magically discern what you actually meant because waitresses make great robots and psychics. Maybe your friend placed the order for you because you couldn't wait the five minutes it would take for me to come around before running outside to answer your phone. Maybe you were lying. Maybe you were making a stupid joke, you jackass kids, and I took you seriously because you failed to clarify. Maybe the kitchen made a mistake, not me. Maybe you really pissed me off so I purposely left the tomatoes off in hopes that you were violently allergic to them.
And maybe, just maybe, I was really busy and overwhelmed and I simply made a human error. It's not like you've ever done something like that, or something else equally ridiculous and annoying and stupid and infuriating, right?
Maybe you can suck my figurative food service employee dick,
Andrea
Couldn't have said it better myself, Andrea.
Here's lookin' at you, guy who didn't know there were mushrooms in Marsala sauce and got angry when they were there. It's not my fault you didn't ask, don't get all pissy when they magically appear on your plate.
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